I was a quick pregnancy. I didn’t even know I was expecting. Now I am the proud father of a 2 millimeter shard of kidney stone. One minute I didn’t have a care in the world and the next thing I know, BAM! It hit me. I have never felt pain like that before, it was like I was incorrectly lifting a tree out of the ground and while I was busy doing that, someone decided to sneak up and kick me in the groin, in 5 minute intervals.

Barely able to help me get in the mini van, it was a struggle for my wife to load me and then we were off to the Emergency Room. We have taken 14 hour road trips to see family several times, and this 20-minute journey to the hospital, made those feel like quick jaunts.

When we finally made it and I was whisked through triage and received my stylish standard issue open back dress and an I.V. of their best fluid. The most pain-relieving thing I could do was pace, even though the nurse kept saying sit down and relax Mr. Price. I resembled Ozzy Osborne shuffling about pleading for drugs, all with my butt hanging out of my spiffy gown. My wife wanted to help but there was nothing she could really do.

My energy really got depleted because of the pain, I can totally understand the mean things that come out of the mouths of women in labor. I wanted to say to my wife, “Honey, I appreciate your concern but there really isn’t anything you can do.” Oddly enough it came out “You did this to me!! I’m pretty sure your mother had something to do with it too, and I want flippin’ drugs now!”

Finally I received my drugs, or as they were referred to in the ER, “the good stuff”. Not long after the pain relief kicked in I remember thinking Dilaudid would be an absolutely beautiful name for a girl if we were ever to have one. After the drugs kicked in they sent me for a Cat Scan, and I asked the nurse if she could show me the cats on the print out. It was good stuff. They said no but they did verify that it was Kidney Stones and sent me home to drink gallons of water and strain my urine. I never had to do anything like that before. The closest thing was when I was young we went on a vacation to North Carolina and we mined for gem stones. This was like that only without the dirt.

I think it passed about halfway through the next day. Later that same day I received a call from a friend who had told his Mom about my ordeal and she said, “Tell Greg to thank his wife for having their baby.” For the record I have thanked her, but then I started thinking, no one asked me if I wanted an Epidural.

Greg has been writing articles online and offline for over 7 years. He has many specialties including humor, parenting, and personal development check out his latest website on My Little Pony party supplies, check out the ideas for a My Little Pony birthday cake while you are there.

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