Got Funny

January -  Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February - Fired  from pharmacy job for failing to print labels….. Helllloooo!!!…..bottles  won’t fit in printer !!!

March - Got really excited…..finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months….. Box said “2-4 years!”

April - Trapped on  escalator for hours …. Power went out!!!

May - Tried to make  Kool-Aid…..wrong instructions….8 cups of water won’t fit into those  little packets!!!

June - Tried to go water skiing…..couldn’t find a lake with a slope.

July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition…..learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their  arms!!!
August - Got locked out of my car in rain storm….. Car  swamped because soft-top was open.

September - The capital of California is “C”…..isn’t it???

October - Hate M & M’s…..they are so hard to peel.

November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days . Instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!

December - Couldn’t call 911 ….  “duh”…..there’s no “eleven” button on the stupid phone!!!

THE BEST  BLONDE JOKE OF THE YEAR - SO FAR

A man was in his front yard mowing  grass when his attractive blond female neighbor came out of the house and  went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut &  stormed back in the house. A little later she came out of her house again  went to the mail box and again, opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily,  back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn,  here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”

To which she replied, “There certainly is!”

(Are you ready? This is a beauty…)

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My stupid computer keeps  saying, “YOU’VE GOT MAIL.”