In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need

To purchase a bull from the stockyard in Ft Worth so that they can breed their own stock. They only have $600 left. Upon leaving, the brunette tells

Her sister, “When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I’ll contact

you to drive out after me and haul it home.”

The brunette arrives at the stockyard, inspects the bull, and

Decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for

$599,no less.

After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister

a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office,

And says, “I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I’ve

bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our

pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.”

The telegraph operator explains that he’ll be glad to help her, then

adds, “It’s just 99 cents a word”.

Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1.00 left.

She realizes that she’ll only be able to send her sister one word.

After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, “I want you to send her the word ‘comfortable’”.

The operator shakes his head. “How is she ever going to know that

You want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out

Here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word

“Comfortable?”

The brunette explains, “My sister’s blonde. The word’s big.

She’ll read it very slowly … com-for-da-bull

 Lotto night comes, and somebody else wins it.

 She again prays… “God, please let me win the lotto!
 I’ve lost my business, my house and I’m going to lose my
 car as well.” The Lotto night comes and she still has no
 luck.

 Once again, she prays… “My God, why have You forsaken me?
 I’ve lost my business, my house, and my car.  My children
 are starving. I don’t often ask You for help, and I have
 always been a good servant to You.

 PLEASE let me win the lotto just this one time so I can get
 my life back in order.”

 Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens
 open.  The blonde is overwhelmed by the Voice of God Himself…

 ”Sweetheart, work with Me on this… Buy a ticket.”

The waitress runs over and says, “That’s impossible. The biggest prize given away was a mini van!”

The blonde replies, “No. I WON A motor home, I WON a motor home!”

By this time the manager makes his way over to the table and says, “You couldn’t possibly have won a motor home because we didn’t have that as a prize!”

Again the blonde says, “No, no mistake, I WON a motor home, I WON a motor home!”

The blonde hands the prize ticket to the manager and he reads, “WIN A BAGEL.”

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OPRXfREVfbo

February – Fired  from pharmacy job for failing to print labels….. Helllloooo!!!…..bottles  won’t fit in printer !!!

March – Got really excited…..finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months….. Box said “2-4 years!”

April – Trapped on  escalator for hours …. Power went out!!!

May – Tried to make  Kool-Aid…..wrong instructions….8 cups of water won’t fit into those  little packets!!!

June – Tried to go water skiing…..couldn’t find a lake with a slope.

July – Lost breast stroke swimming competition…..learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their  arms!!!
August – Got locked out of my car in rain storm….. Car  swamped because soft-top was open.

September – The capital of California is “C”…..isn’t it???

October – Hate M & M’s…..they are so hard to peel.

November – Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days . Instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!

December – Couldn’t call 911 ….  “duh”…..there’s no “eleven” button on the stupid phone!!!

THE BEST  BLONDE JOKE OF THE YEAR – SO FAR

A man was in his front yard mowing  grass when his attractive blond female neighbor came out of the house and  went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut &  stormed back in the house. A little later she came out of her house again  went to the mail box and again, opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily,  back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn,  here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”

To which she replied, “There certainly is!”

(Are you ready? This is a beauty…)

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My stupid computer keeps  saying, “YOU’VE GOT MAIL.”

at sea when he died.

Their uncle had been a seafaring gentleman all his life and it was to be his final wish.

Of course, in due time, he did pass away and the two blondes kept their promise.

They cast off from Fort Lauderdale with their uncle all stitched up in a burial bag and loaded onto his rowboat.

After rowing for quite some time, Betty says, ‘Do you think we’re out far enough?’

Barbie slips over the side and almost immediately says, ‘No, this will never do — the water is only up to my chest.’

So they row on some more, and Barbie slips over the side once again and disappears. Quite a bit of time goes by while Barbie is under water and poor Betty is really getting worried. Suddenly, Barbie breaks the surface, gasping for breath.

‘Well is it deep enough yet, Sis?’ Betty inquires.

‘Yes, it finally is! Hand me the shovel.

So the good wife went out and moved her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, “We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today.
You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through.” The good wife went out and moved her car again.

The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says, “We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park…” Then the electric power went out. The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she
 said, “Honey, I don’t know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowplows can get through?”

With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to blondes exhibit, the husband replied, “Why don’t you just leave it in the garage this time?”