Number 7
Give a person a fish & you feed him for a day; teach a person to use the Internet & he won’t bother you for weeks.

Number 6
Some people are like a Slinky……….
not really good for anything, but you still can’t help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

Number 5
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Number 4
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Number 3
Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?

Number 2
In the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now The world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

AND THE NUMBER 1
THOUGHT FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES:We know exactly where one cow with Mad-cow-disease is located among
the millions of cows in America , but we haven’t got a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants & terrorists are located.
 
Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge??

Fried Explorer: $15.00 -

Grilled Republican: $100.00 -

Baked Democrat: $250. 00..

The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, ‘Why such a price difference for the Politicians?’

The cook replied, “Have you ever tried to clean one? They’re so full of shit, it takes all morning.”

 Dad:  “Sure, son, what’s the question?”

 Son:  “What is politics?”

 Dad:  “Well, let’s take our home for example.  I am the
       wage earner, so let’s call me Management.  Your
       mother is the administrator of the money, so we’ll
       call her Government.  We take Care of you and your
       needs, so let’s call you The People.  We’ll call
       the maid The Working Class and your baby brother
       we’ll call The Future.  Do you understand?”

 Son:  “I’m not really sure, Dad.   I’ll have to think
       about it.”

 That night, awakened by his baby brother’s crying, the
 boy went to see what was wrong.  Discovering the baby
 had seriously soiled his diaper, the son went to his
 parent’s room and found his mother sound asleep.  He
 then went to the maid’s room where, peeking through the
 keyhole, he saw his father in bed with the maid.  The
 boy’s knocking went totally unheard by his father and
 the maid, so the boy returned to his room and went back
 to sleep.

 THE NEXT MORNING:

 Son:  “Dad, now I think I understand politics.”

 Dad:  “That’s great, son.  Explain it to me in your
       own words.”

 Son:  “Well, Dad, while Management is screwing The
       Working Class, the Government is sound asleep.
       The People are being completely ignored and
       The Future is full of SHIT!!!”

A German doctor says, “That is nothing. We can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him out looking for work in four weeks.”

A British doctor says, “In my country medicine is so advanced that we can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have both of them out looking for work in two weeks.”

The American doctor, not to be outdone, interjected, “You guys are way behind. We are about to take a woman with no brains, send her to Washington where she will become President, and then half the country will be out looking for work.”

A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, Ribbit 9 Iron.”

The man looks around and doesn’t see anyone. Again, he hears, “Ribbit 9 Iron.” He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts the club away, and grabs a 9 iron. Boom! He hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked. He says to the frog, “Wow that’s amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh? The frog replies, “Ribbit Lucky frog.” The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole. “What do you think frog?” the man asks. “Ribbit 3 wood.” The guy takes out a 3 wood and, Boom! Hole in one. The man is befuddled and doesn’t know what to say. By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog, “OK where to next?” The frog replies, “Ribbit Las Vegas

“They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, “OK frog, now what?” The frog says, “Ribbit Roulette.” Upon approaching the roulette table, The man asks, “What do you think I should bet?” The frog replies, “Ribbit $3000, black 6.” Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game the man figures what the heck. Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table

The man takes his winnings and
buys the best room in the
hotel. He sits the frog down and
says, “Frog, I don’t know how to repay you.
You’ve won me all this money and
I am forever grateful.”
The frog replies,
“Ribbit Kiss Me.”
He figures why not,
since after all the frog did for
him, he deserves it. With a
kiss, the frog turns into a
gorgeous 18-year-old girl.
 
 
 
 
 
“And that,

your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room. So help me God or my name is not William Jefferson Clinton.”

The next morning, Wednesday, the barber finds a thank-you card and a
dozen doughnuts waiting for him at the door. Later that day, a college
professor comes in for a haircut.  Once again, the barber says, “I cannot
accept money from you.  I’m doing community service this week.”  The
professor is very happy and leaves the shop. Thursday, when the barber
arrives at his shop, he finds a thank-you note and a dozen books with
titles such as How to Improve Your Business and Becoming More Successful.
Later that day, a Congressman comes in for a haircut.  When he gets out 
his wallet, the barber says, “I cannot accept money from you.  I’m doing
community service this week.”  The Congressman is elated and leaves the
shop. On Friday, when the barber opens his doors, he finds a dozen more
Congressmen lined up to get free haircuts. And that, my friends,
illustrates the fundamental difference between citizens of our country and 
members of Congress.  Vote carefully this year.