Got Funny

1. Did you fart, cause you blew me away.
2. Are your parents retarded, ’cause you’re sure special.
3. My Love for you is like diarrhea … I can’t hold it in.
4. Do you have a library card, ’cause I’d like to sign you out.
5. Is there a mirror in your pants? Because I can see myself [...]

I, __________________________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means.
Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead politicians who couldn’t pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it, or lawyers/doctors interested in simply running up the bills.
If a reasonable amount [...]

 
Tennessee The owner of a golf course was confused about paying an invoice, so he
decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her
into his office and said, ‘You graduated from the University of Tennessee
and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much
would you take off?’The [...]

A Montana rancher got in his pickup and drove to a neighboring ranch and
knocked at the door. A young boy, about 9, opened the door.
‘Is yer Dad home?’ the rancher asked.
‘No sir, he ain’t,’ the boy replied. ‘He went into town.’
‘Well,’ said the rancher, ‘is yer Mom here?’
‘No, sir, she ain’t here neither. She went [...]