Rev. Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf.
So… he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and asked himto do the morning service for him that day. As soon as he hung up the phone,he headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away so he wouldn’t accidentally meet anyone he knew.
Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church!At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed, “You’re not going to let him get away with this, are you?
The Lord sighed, and said, “No, I guess not.” Just then Rev. Norton hit the balland it shot straight towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole.

IT WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE!

St. Peter was astonished.

He looked at the Lord and asked,

“Why did you let him do that?”
The Lord smiled, and replied,

“Who’s he going to tell?”

In many ways, this is so true, you be the judge!!  Enjoy

A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady 40 milesper hour.
The wife is behind the wheel.
Her husband suddenly looks across at her and speaks in a clear voice.
“I know we’ve been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce.”
 The wife says nothing,Keeps looking at the road ahead but slowly increases her speed to 45mph.
The husband speaks again. “I don’t want you to try and talk me out ofit,”He says, “because I’ve been having an affair with your best friend,And she’s a far better lover than you are.”
 Again the wife stays quiet,But grips the steering wheel more tightly and slowly increases thespeed to 55
 He pushes his luck. “I want the house,” he says insistently..
 Up to 60.
“I want the car, too,” he continues.
 65 mph.
“And,” he says, “I’ll have the bank accounts, all the credit cards andthe boat!”
 The car slowly starts veering towards a massive concrete bridge.This makes him nervous, so he asks her, “Isn’t there anything youwant?”
 The wife at last replies in a quiet and controlled voice.”No, I’ve got everything I need,” she says.”Oh, really,” he inquires, “so what have you got?”
Just before they slam into the wall, she turns to him and smiles:
“The airbag!”
 Moral of the Story :

Women are clever! Don’t mess with them!

This one is a little old, but funny as hell. Did you ever wonder who is on the other end?

1. Did you fart, cause you blew me away.

2. Are your parents retarded, ’cause you’re sure special.

3. My Love for you is like diarrhea … I can’t hold it in.

4. Do you have a library card, ’cause I’d like to sign you out.

5. Is there a mirror in your pants? Because I can see myself in them.

6. If you and I were Squirrels, I’d store my nuts in your hole.

7. You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.

8. “Fat Penguin!” I know you’re going, ‘huh?’ “I just wanted to say something that would break the ice.”

9. I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed-rock.

10. I can’t find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.

11. Your eyes are as blue as window cleaner.

12. If you’re going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.

and…. the best for last!

13. Your face reminds me of a wrench, every time I think of it my nuts tighten up.