Got Funny » church

DON’T SKIP CHURCH

Mee — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 14:31:37 +0000

Rev. Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf.
So… he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and asked himto do the morning service for him that day. As soon as he hung up the phone,he headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away so he wouldn’t accidentally meet anyone he knew.
Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church!At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed, “You’re not going to let him get away with this, are you?
The Lord sighed, and said, “No, I guess not.” Just then Rev. Norton hit the balland it shot straight towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole.

IT WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE!

St. Peter was astonished.

He looked at the Lord and asked,

“Why did you let him do that?”
The Lord smiled, and replied,

“Who’s he going to tell?”

The Priest and The Hair Drier

Mee — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 12:34:54 +0000

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the Priest beside her, “Father, may I ask a favor?” “Of course. What may I do for you?”

“Well, I bought an expensive woman’s electronic hair dryer for my mother’s birthday. The dryer is unopened and well over the Customs limits; and I’m afraid they’ll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?”

“I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.”

“With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.”

When they reached the Customs area, she let the priest go ahead of her.

The official asked: “Father, do you have anything to declare?”

“From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.”

The official thought this answer strange, so asked, “And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?”

“I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.”

Roaring with laughter, the official said, “Go ahead, Father.”

The Affair (mature)

Mee — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 12:11:24 +0000

A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work.

Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.

The woman’s husband comes home unexpectedly so she puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, “Dark in here.”

The man says, “Yes, it is.”

Boy – “I have a baseball.”

Man – That’s nice.”

Boy – “Want to buy it?”

Man – “No, thanks.”

Boy – “My dad’s outside.”

Man – “OK, how much?”

Boy – “$250″

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.

Boy – “Dark in here.”

Man – “Yes, it is.”

Boy – “I have a baseball glove.”

The lover remembering the last time, asks the boy, “How much?”
Boy -”$750″

Man – “Fine.”

A few days later, the father says to the boy, “Grab your ball and glove, let’s go outside and have a game of catch.” The boy says, “I can’t, I sold my baseball and my glove.” The father says, “You did, did you? How much did you sell them for?” The boy tells his father “$1,000!!” The father says, “That’s terrible to overcharge your friends like that! That is way more than those two things cost! I’m going to take you to church and make you confess.”

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door. The boy looks around and says, “Dark in here.” The priest says, “Don’t start that shit again….”