Got Funny

A Husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed  reading 
when the wife looks over at him and asks THE  question….. 
 
WIFE: ‘What would you do if I died? Would 
you get married again? 
 
HUSBAND: ‘Definitely not!’ 
 
WIFE: ‘Why not? Don’t you like being 
married?’ 
 
HUSBAND: ‘Of course I do.’ 
 
WIFE: ‘Then why wouldn’t you remarry?’ 
 
HUSBAND: ‘Okay, okay, I’d get married  again.’ 
 
WIFE: ‘You [...]

On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed.
 
This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years,
with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new [...]

Sam came into his wife’s room one day. “If I were, say,
 disfigured, would you still love me,” he asked her.
 ”Darling, I’ll always love you,” she said calmly, filing
 her nails.
 ”How about if I became impotent, couldn’t make love to you
 any more?” he asked anxiously.
 ”Don’t worry, darling, I’ll always love you,” she told him,
 buffing her nails.
 ”Well, how about [...]

The angry wife met her husband at the door.
There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his collar.
“I assume,” she snarled, “that there is a very good reason
for you to come waltzing in here at six o’clock in the morning?”
“There is,” he replied,
“Well WHAT is it” she demanded,
After a short pause he replied,
“Breakfast.”

[...]