Got Funny » Redneck Jokes

You’re An EXTREME Redneck When

Mee — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 12:53:16 +0000

1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.

3. You’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

4. You think a woman who is “out of your league” bowls on a different night.

5. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.

6. Someone in your family died right after saying, “Hey, guys, watch this.”

7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

8. Your wife’s hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

9. Your junior prom offered day care.

10. You think the last words of the “Star-Spangled Banner” are “Gentlemen, start your engines.”

11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.

12. The Halloween Pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.

13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.

14. One of your kids was born on a pool table.

15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

16. You can’t get married to your sweetheart because there’s a law against it.

17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

Bonus Comment:
An East Texas couple, both real-life rednecks, had 9 children. They went to the doctor to see about getting the husband “fixed”. The doctor asked them why, after nine children would they choose to do this. The husband replied that they had read in a recent article that one out of every ten children being born in North America was Mexican and they didn’t want a Mexican baby because neither of them could speak Spanish.

RedNeck Pickup Lines

Mee — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 13:36:32 +0000

1. Did you fart, cause you blew me away.

2. Are your parents retarded, ’cause you’re sure special.

3. My Love for you is like diarrhea … I can’t hold it in.

4. Do you have a library card, ’cause I’d like to sign you out.

5. Is there a mirror in your pants? Because I can see myself in them.

6. If you and I were Squirrels, I’d store my nuts in your hole.

7. You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.

8. “Fat Penguin!” I know you’re going, ‘huh?’ “I just wanted to say something that would break the ice.”

9. I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed-rock.

10. I can’t find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.

11. Your eyes are as blue as window cleaner.

12. If you’re going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.

and…. the best for last!

13. Your face reminds me of a wrench, every time I think of it my nuts tighten up.

Country Customs

Mee — Sun, 10 Aug 2008 15:14:25 +0000

A Montana rancher got in his pickup and drove to a neighboring ranch and
knocked at the door. A young boy, about 9, opened the door.

‘Is yer Dad home?’ the rancher asked.

‘No sir, he ain’t,’ the boy replied. ‘He went into town.’

‘Well,’ said the rancher, ‘is yer Mom here?’

‘No, sir, she ain’t here neither. She went into town with Dad.’

‘How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?’

‘He went with Mom and Dad.’

The rancher stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the
other and mumbling to himself.

‘Is there any thing I can do fer ya?’ the boy asked politely. ‘I knows
where all the tools are, if you want to borry one. Or maybe I could take a
message fer Dad.’

‘Well,’ said the rancher uncomfortably, ‘I really wanted to talk to yer
Dad. It’s about your Brother Howard getting my daughter, Pearly Mae,
pregnant.’

The boy considered for a moment. ‘You would have to talk to Pa about that’
he finally conceded.

‘If it helps you any, I know that Pa charges $500 for the bull and $50 for
the hog, but, I really don’t know how much he gets fer Howard.’

Happy Hour In Georgia

Mee — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 13:28:45 +0000

A redneck is driving down a back road in Georgia . A sign in front of a restaurant reads:

HAPPY HOUR SPECIAL

Lobster Tail and Beer

“Lord almighty” he says to himself, “my three favorite things

GEORGIA REDNECK AREN’T STUPID !!!

Mee — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 11:30:53 +0000

A Georgia Redneck, walked into a bank in New York City and
asked for the loan officer. He told the loan officer that he was
going to Bakersfield on business for two weeks and needed
to borrow $5,000 and that he was not a depositor of the bank.

The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form
of security for the loan, so the Redneck handed over the keys
to a new Ferrari. The car was parked on the street in front of
the bank. The Georgia Redneck produced the title and every
thing checked out OK.

The loan officer agreed to hold the car as collateral for the
loan and apologized for having to charge 12% interest. Later,
the bank’s
president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh
at the Redneck from Georgia for using a $250,000 Ferrari as
collateral for a $5,000 loan.    An employee of the bank then
drove the Ferrari into the bank’s underground garage and
parked it.

Two weeks later, the Redneck returned, repaid the $5,000 and the
interest of $23.07. The loan officer said, “Sir, we are very happy
to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very
nicely, but we are a little puzzled.

While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a
multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to
borrow $5,000?”

The Georgia Redneck replied,

“Where else in New York City , can I park my $250,000 car for two
weeks for only $23.07 and expect it to be there when I return?”

Oh Yeah, the Stupid old Georgia Redneck’s name was… BUBBA!

Sex In The Field

Mee — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 20:41:30 +0000

A young red neck couple are having sex in a muddy
field one evening. The fellow asks, “Honey, could you
check to see if it’s in you or if it’s in the mud???” She
reaches down and checks. “It’s in the mud,” she tells him.
“Well,… could you put it back in???”

She puts it back in and they continue having sex for a
while before he asks again, “Honey, could you check to
see if it’s in you or if it’s in the mud???” She checks
again and says, “It’s still in me, big fella!!!”

“Ummm,… could you put it back in the mud, please???”